Paranatural 36

in ,

<Read as a song from the Village People>

Previously on

STEPHEN! Had a need to feel down

I said STEPHEN! Tricked by a mascot type clown

I said STEPHEN! Went to the rich part of town

And he Gave! Up! His! Dog! To Them!

That’s When! He found out they were lies!

And then STEPHEN! He went back there to spy

That Those PEOPLE! Who were trash in disguise

They were Use!Ing! Those! Mutts! For! Cash!

dun dun dun dun dun

It’s time to go start a

REVOLUTION!

Stephen go start the Dog

RETRIBUTION!

He’ll do everything, for those dogs to be freed

Then he’ll have all the pets he need

The Vice Principal

in

So I wanted to take the time to pose a little theory I had about The Vice Principal.

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Chapter 5 of Paranatural did well to expand on the world that is Mayview, but we don’t have the full story on her. Just who is she, and how the heck did people even let children near her? Well, that’s what I want to prove.

I think she is a Monster.

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We were already introduced to the idea of monsters before generally with the Cousinhood hunting them, but we got some more important lore in Chapter 5. Davey Jones as our first established Monster Character, and Agent Day’s presence providing information about them.

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Monsters are “corrupted humans.” Due to Davey’s vampiric nature, we can safely assume that “corrupted humans” can range from anything partly-human to humans with non-spectral powers. This definition would apply to Werewolves, Zombies, and even Witches.

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Patchworm and Davey use the term “The Witch” in reference to a person. Given that Patchwork and Zarei saw the Vice Principal just a few moments before, and how highly doubtful it is that Davey would refer to a second Witch, then that would mean that the Vice Principal is The Witch.

But what does that mean exactly?

Well for starters, witches are known for magic and spell-casting abilities. While the information of paranatural witches are lacking, it can be easily assumed that there is an ability difference between witches and Spectrals.

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Zarei has a full blast of spectral energy here. Yet it doesn’t register with V.P. Even if she has forgotten about who Zarei is, or their history, there should have been more of a reaction to all that spectral energy.

Unless she couldn’t see it.

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Cody couldn’t see Hijack. But Davey could. They are both vampires, but only Davey showed signs of his own spectral powers. Meaning that monsters can’t see ghosts and spectral powers, only Spectrals can. This means that Witch powers come from a separate source, something non-ghost or spirit related.

Furthermore, witches in lore were seen as maleficent and historically people did see witches as satanic, so it isn’t a stretch to assume that the Cousinhood would group them in with monsters as well, being “corrupted” by the powers of Satan.

Hilarious considering that Spender is currently housing Lucifer.

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With V.P established as a witch, it makes this sentence a bit more hilarious in hindsight. She is starting the witchhunt, which is actually a Witch’s Hunt.

But she isn’t just any witch. Like how there are different types of Spectrals, there must be different types of Witches depending on what magic they are proficient at.

And she is a Bug Type Witch.

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Davey doesn’t say “hands,” he says “legs.” As if The Witch doesn’t have any hands at all, only legs.

Now there are a lot of animals in the world that don’t have hands. Their limbs be called paws, claws, hooves, something to further define the limb. But bugs only have legs. A lot of legs.

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Here we see Patchworm and Zarei are being cautious after running into V.P., calling it the “Spider’s Web.” Spiders would use webs to ensnare and trap their victims, something that we had seen happen before.

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She used the string to control her weird child puppet to capture Jeff (who, ironically, was also Hijack’s puppet). It didn’t work, but she still somehow had enough string to contain Hijack for a little while.

If she was just a Spider Witch, I would have called her the Spider Witch from the beginning. But I didn’t, because she is similar to another insect.

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Seriously! You can’t tell me that that nose is normal! There is nothing normal about it. It looks like an electrical cord was stretched out from her skin! And we know that that thing is real.

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We saw her get a nosebleed from the game. That is an actual body part on her face. And it isn’t just her nose that has the similarity.

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Yeah, pretty similar don’t you think? And look! Her arms behind her back even give off the illusion of wings.

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In Patchworm’s mini-flashback, we see the silhouette of V.P. showed in darkness. The background is designed in spider webs. But under her arms the swirling pattern looks more like the design on wings than any web. So it isn’t just spider powers she is mimicking, but mosquito ones as well.

But what are these powers exactly? Well….

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During this time of Hijack’s capture, he called her a “Hag” which is another term for witch. But, one with a bit more darker edge.

Hags are known for eating children.

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Eating.

Children.

Mayview Middle School just became a huge buffet for this blood-sucker, though I don’t think it is blood she is drinking.

Before we get to that, let’s go over what we know of her history. Really nothing, but we know that Zarei has had history with her.

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They fought one another. Zarai thought she had won a long time ago. And based on the grey shading in the last panel, they weren’t good memories. Especially if just seeing V.P.’s face made her terrified. But I want to focus back on the flashback panel. That is a child being trapped in V.P.’S Shadow, presumably Zarei’s. That plus her position in a school, it implies that she specifically targets children.

But if she intended to harm the school, she would have had opposition.

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We know that Cody is the secret President of the Student Council. We know that he would accept killing Hijack for revenge of what he did to Jeff.

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So then why would he allow V.P. at the school?

If she really is that big of a threat, he could have asked his dad to take her out.

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He may be dangerous, but he is doting. If Cody asks, Davey would probably kill her without remorse. But Cody doesn’t. We know that Cody wouldn’t hesitate to do what he thinks is right. He banned his dad from school grounds. And yet it looks like that the V.P. is working for him. For what reason does Cody have to keep her?

Well….

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There is a power struggle in Mayview. If there is one monster, then surely there must be more. Davey uses his skills to make sure that that struggle is balanced. Not one group is more powerful than another, and Davey is determined to keep it that way.

So maybe Cody is playing the game inside the school as well.

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After Cody came in charge, the school drastically changed, but specifically note Collin’s story.

The V.P. only feeds on the students in detention. That is why she is in charge of capturing delinquents, that is how she is able to eat. And by only feeding on the detention children, the rest are spared from her appetite.

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Also, note the string used to tie these two up like with Hijack. More Spider Silk.

She obviously can’t actually kill any students, that would raise too much suspicion on her. And she is a Major Player in this power balance if Davey knows of her existence. So she would probably use her magic to drain students of something nonphysical that wouldn’t kill them. Say….blood or their spirits?

Trapping them in detention and draining them for consumption still fits into the spider/mosquito abilities.  

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Of course, it also looks like that V.P. here is also really into the rules. So it could be a “cake and eat it too” scenario. Where V.P. gets to have the control she desires AND a way to eat/sustain herself.

So what does she want to do now? Well, Hijack certainly piqued her interest.

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That is the look of realization of something that she had been looking for. And that looks like to be body snatching.

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Look at the key word here. “THAT Easily.” V.P. is known for stealing bodies. If we continue the bug theme, there are a lot of parasitic insects that take over bodies or live in them as a host.

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Parasites would infect bodies, so why not a witch infecting the student body?

This also makes Zarei’s confusion make sense.

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If they did defeat her, how is she still standing? Well, she got another body. But it sounds like it would take a long process for it to happen.

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After the game she does out she goes off to look for her “bigger fries”: Hijack. Jeff now is acting like Jeff again. She can’t see spectrals or ghosts, so she –like everyone else—is under the assumption that Hijack left and Jeff is back to normal.

This part is purely speculation since there isn’t much about what she is looking for. But my guess is that learning of Hijack’s existence, a being who can easily possess others, pushed her to try and get her act together for a new body-snatching ability.  

But seeing how Davey and Cody got to Hijack first, and that Zarei knows of her return, I’m sure we are going to get a chapter dedicated to their three-way conflict soon enough.

in ,

Paranatural 34

<red like the main narrator from Stand By Me>

Previously on

While me and my friends were in school plying one of the most deadliest games of hitball in probably the history of the world, Stephen was off in the world.

He missed that day; got suspended for trying to break us out of detention with the principal’s car.

Stephen always had the crazy ideas. He would always be down for any stunts Johnny would come up with, and push them further to the extreme. Part of it might be due to all of the conspiracy theories that he believes in. But I think that that is where his charm comes from, his willingness to believe.

While suspended, Stephen went off exploring the town, as we were wont to do back then. Eventually, he found his way under a bridge, where he ran into a teenage gang from Mayview Academy picking on a dog. Feeling righteous anger, Stephen had taken onto himself to defend the dog.

Defeating his opponent, as well as catching the interest of the gang leader, Stephen grabbed the dog and ran for safety. Now his goal, while away from any noticeable danger, is to return the dog to its owner for a possible reward.

Paranatural 33

in ,

<read as a diary entry>

Dear

Yesterday was a long day. 

Isabel finally beat Hijack out of Spender. Hijack thought he was going to die, and I did too, but Isabel was nice. She let him go. I thought it was sweet of her, but it turns out it didn’t matter anyway.

That creepy guy hanging out in the hallway? Turns out he was a vampire and was going to kill Hijack. But then Cody turned up and convinced him not to, only for Cody to kill him anyway! And get this, That Vampire Guy is Cody’s dad, so Cody is half vampire, AND he is also the mysterious Student Council President. I never suspected him.

Zarei tried to find Hijack, but didn’t get there in time. I guess she has a horrible past with the Vice Principal though. I get it, she can be such a witch sometimes!!

Isabel, Max, Isaac, and Ed managed to sort out their differences. Isaac now knows the secret ghost information, and they are planning on working together as a team.I’m glad.

Things are looking brighter.

Paranatural 32

in ,

<read as a fairy tale>

Once Upon a Time In

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There lived a young boy (like, stupidly young boy), who always dreamed of being a hero just like his mother.

After learning about the misfortune of his older brother, he set of exploring to find out who was the culprit, leading him to impersonate his mother’s former friend.

However, the guardian of the friend was displeased, and showed the terrible secret the friend was keeping inside him, stating that the end of this fairy tale will be one in tragedy, regardless of what the friend tries.

The boy disagreed. While he has caused nothing but trouble since entering this quest, he believes that there will still be a happy ending. If the friend won’t be able to make it, then his students will.

The boy and the guardian decided to become partners, but the students discovered the boy, and knows that he is not the friend who they care for.

Though the boy tried to run, he soon becomes outnumbered. But the boy realizes that this is the perfect opportunity to show the guardian that the students were able and willing to work together to beat the odds. The boy cast himself into the villain role and fought the students, all while encouraging them to fight back and win.

As they prepare to land the final blow, the guardian gave the boy one last chance to flee. However, the boy resigns to his fate, to prove that there is still hope in them yet.

Paranatural 30

in , ,

<Read as karkat>

cg: ALRIGHT YOU FUCKING GRUBS

cg: I’M BEING CURRENTLY FORCED FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON TO TALK TO YOU TURDS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN, EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN JUST GO FUCKING BACK AND READ IT YOURSELVES

cg: I GUESS YOU LOST YOUR EYES AND CAN’T LICK THE SCREEN LIKE TEREZI CAN

cg: SO PREVIOUSLY ON PARANTAURAL

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cg: I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE FUCKING LOGO IS RIGHT THERE SO FUCK YOU I GET TO SAY TITLE

cg: ANY WAY, THE LAME SHIT STARTS OUT WITH THE RED AND GLASSES MOIRAILS TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS AND THEN START BEING ACTUALLY FUCKING DECENT AND BEGIN TO FUCKING KILL AN ADULT TRASH HUMANS

cg: ACTUALLY, ALL OF THE HUMANS IN FOCUS START TO GET INTO A FIGHT, WHICH IS ABOUT FREAKING TIME THAT THEY ACTUALLY SHOW OFF SOME BACKBONE.

cg: BUT THEN THEY DON’T EVEN FUCKING FINISH THEM OFF

cg: THE TRIO OF DIPSHITS MANAGED TO CAPTURE THEIR TARGET, BUT ALL THEY GET ARE SHITTY STARS? WHAT FUCKING CONSOLATION PRIZE IS THAT?!

cg: THEN THE ORANGE DOUCHE OF BREATH DOES WIND ATTACKS BUT CAN’T SEEM TO FUCKING ATTACK FOR SHIT

cg: AND HIS LUSUS IS INSIDE OF HIM SO WHILE BADASS IT IS BASICALLY SHIT LETTING HIS HUMAN GET CAPTURED BY A TREE HOW LAME IS THAT

cg: SO HE’S FUCKING DEAD

cg: THE GIRL AND HER ADULT HUMAN LUSUS ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKED TOGETHER TO LEAVE THE ROOM 

cg: BUT THAT’S ALL THEY DID

cg: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE DO THEY HAVE TO JUST LEAVE THE ROOM? ARE THEIR MORTAL ENEMIES DOORS?? WATCH OUT FOR THE SPLINTER, IT CAN KILL US ALL!

cg: THEN THE ONLY DECENT HUMAN THAT I CAN SOMEWHAT RELATE TO ON THE LEVEL OF DISLIKING THE REST OF THIS BULLSHIT EXCUSE OF A HIVE IS FIGHTING A LUSUS WITH HIS OWN LUSUS AND THOROUGHLY EXPOSING THE STUPIDITY THAT CURRENTLY INHABITS THE BRAIN OF THEIR OFFICER

cg: THE SWEATY ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE THE HUMAN VERSION OF EQUIUS

cg: I NEVER THOUGHT HE COULD BE LAMER THAN WHAT HE ALREADY WAS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THIS PLACE HAS PROVEN ME WRONG

cg: THAT’S ABOUT IT SO FUCK OFF

Paranatural 29

in ,

<Read as Cecil Palmer>

Wait until the dust has settled. If you walk out too early, you could attract its attention.

Welcome to

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( A Ballad of Fiedler and Mundt plays)

Monday: Mayview Middle School implements a total dictatorship through the Student Council, where all shall attend their bake sales and band concerts or face a terrible and grusome end.

Tuesday: A young fledgling rebellion continues to sparks as children take up their stars and geometry to plan the downfall of a mysterious tyrannical ruler.

Wednesday: Two children converse with each other. They talk of things that only children could talk of, thinks the adults, not realizing that they to could think about such things.

“I know who you are” says the girl.

“No you don’t” replies the boy, who is not as the girl thinks he is.

“You are like me” continues the girl.

“Not entirely,” states the boy, unaware that on some level he is like her and of the things she says. Or he is aware and chooses to ignore it. Or he is aware and chooses to act on it. After all, there are only those three options to choose from.

Thursday: You find a friend! Well, more of a pet than a friend. And more dead than alive. But that’s ok, because if it is dead then the chances of it leaving becomes that much smaller. And hey, it knows dance moves. That’s something right? Right??

Friday: The school board is starting their bake sale for the Rehabilitated Rats program. Rats who have given up on life, but after lots of therapy and art lessons have now taken to life anew. The director states that if they managed to raise $1000, the rats will complete a 7ft tall match stick statue of William Debou. So go support a good cause Mayview, and save a lemon square for me.

This has been the community calendar.

Paranatural 27

in ,

<Wait what do you mean I have to this intro? I don’t even know the series! And the last time I tried to take another shows intro I was sent in the hospital for 4 broken limbs. It wasn’t, it wasn’t pleasant let me tell you. Well, fine, whatever. So long as I get paid, or a decent magazine subscription to Evil Lair Monthly. I may not be evil anymore, but they have some nice interior designers at work.

Wait? I’m rambling? Yeesh, so pushy.

Alright, ok, please read this as Dr. HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ! *lightening cracks* hey, when can we afford lightening for this?>

Previously On

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Baseball Hat Kid wants to go to this one place called a Student Store, but it is a saloon for children. Who writes the school’s budget to build a place like this? At least the bald one has a decent job working at a saloon. It reminds me of when I was a bar stool back when I was young. I would get paid 2 potatoes a day for people to sit on me while ordering food. At least it was better than being a lawn gnome.

So, I guess the kids are investigating their teachers now? The one glasses kid was following Starchman. He’s a nice guy, I met him in bakery class, makes great danishes. But glasses kid then got distracted and I guess kidnapped? Didn’t really say what happened next after that.

A girl and a really tall guy were following another teacher, and I guy they had some issues that they needed to work through. Oh boy, could I share my own stories. Anyway, they look fine and made up, although that one guy shouldn’t be wearing sunglasses inside. Who does that? Maybe I hit him with my Inconsiderate-inator, because that is a really inconsiderate thing to do to wear sunglasses indoors.

So the next child, the Orange Pointy one, he was following his teacher through lunch and oh boy, he has a lot of anger going on in that little body of his. I mean, I can be angry too, but it is more of a gruff anger than an anger anger. Like, he is as angry as my evil doppelganger from the other dimension. And I guess his inner cloud monster says that they are being followed or something? This place is weird let me tell you that.

Finally we see this really scary looking doctor lady going on a date with a pretty lady (how cute) but she seems to be looking for information and mysteries in this town. This town is weird, as I’ve stated before, so it would make sense for something like this to happen. But I guess Doctor Lady doesn’t like these questions because that is what she is looking to, that’s where we left off. At those two ladies, on a maybe information date.

Time for the story now, thanks for listening.

(oh…paranormal supernatural, I just got the title. Yeah, makes a lot more sense now. )

Paranatural 26

in ,

<Read as the into to Courage the Cowardly Dog>

We interrupt your program to bring you

MAX and the

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Club.

Staring Max! And his Paranatural Club.

Going to school like regular.

They were attacked by Hijack

A spirit who was possessing Jeff

and currently an unknowing teacher (erg)

What dastardly deeds is Hijack planning?

It’s up to the Club to save their school!

(stupid ghosts, you made me look bad!)

Paranatural 23

in ,

<Read As Lin Manuel Miranda>

Previously On

Hijack’s on the attack targeting the Jang

Knocking Cody out before he changes the game

Hitball hits a wall as players ball’s are misplaced

in face of a foe the kids going toe-to-toe have never faced

But Max won’t relax not without a fight

and stop Hijack’s tracks and end their plight

With victory in sight, his pain was not in vain

gain allies to surprise and end Hijack’s reign

But the coach return to learn the burn Max felt

And scrounge Jeff to teacher’s lounge with Max now bound

to the infirmary for injury to fix and let it be

What’s going to happen next? Well we’ll just have to wait and see

Paranatural 22

in ,

<read as Billy Mays>

Hi! Billy Mays Here. And today we are going to talk about what happened previously on

While being blackmailed by Suzy, Max got hit with the Snich Ball and was forced to switched to Johnny’s team. However, as he traveled Puppet-Jeff made his mode and threw a ball so powerful that it dented the bleachers and put everyone on edge. The Activities Club realize that whatever controlling Jeff is not a usual spirit. While waiting for some adults to step in, the kids take it to themselves to try and stop Jeff within the game. Currently, the plan is to take out Cody, who is viciously protecting Jeff.

Paranatural 21

in ,

<read as Dracula, the Bela Lugosi version>

Previously on Paranatural

The bullies failed to get any useful information from Jeff, leaving him behind to be possessed and taken over by an unsavory spirit who wants to enter the teacher’s lounge. Isaac tried to convince Max that he owes him a friendship, but Max shuts that down quickly. Then it shifts to Gym Class where many many children play a game of dodgeball. Ed still feels guilty and left out from Isabel, resulting in him “saving” her from a ball, leading Johnny to identify Ed as one of the floating-people he saw the night before.

Now let’s see who shall become the victors! Bleh!

Paranatural 20

in ,

<read as Elmo>

Previously on

Everyone is feeling sad. Max is sad because he can’t go out of town. Isabel is sad because she couldn’t tell anyone about her bite and tried to take medicine. Spender is sad because he couldn’t figure out what the locket is for. Isaac is sad because he is still left ALL Alone. Doorman is sad because he let Spender discover his identity. And Doc is suspicious over what really happened on the train. 

Now let’s see Max and Isabel become better friends!