Troll Rank Alpha 2
I just got their ages. If the Alpha Trolls were in the game for 3 sweeps, that’s 6 years, so these guys are 19 right now.
1. Porrim
2. Meenah
3. Aranea
4. Kankri
5. Meulin
6. Latula
7. Mituna
8. Kurloz
9. Cronus
Yeah…..you may have notice, but the new trolls stayed at the bottom this time around. They just didn’t jump out at me unlike the others like Kankri and Porrim.
Meulin was cute. A little TOO excited though. Like, if Nepeta is a fangirl, Meulin is a weeb. She can get too intense, but I love how she loves to still ship people. And that she can sign like no tomorrow. I was debating on having her higher than Kankri, but I’m not going to lie, I like that santamonious little bastard a little more. He is an ass, but he doesn’t know he is an ass, which makes him fun to be with. So Meulin is right under.
Latula is pushed down, and Mituna is pushed below that. I mean, they seem like nice people. But, I’m just not that interested. Latula is a bit hard on the radness. And Mituna…..terrifies me. Not that I am genuinely scared of him, but that I don’t know how to deal with him. He has Sollux’s bipolar on ghost steroids and I wouldn’t know how to approach him if I met him in real life.
I don’t know if him skating was his idea, or if Latula pushed him into it…..but if they are still dating, they are still dating. They make it work.
Next is Kurloz. Listen, I am not blind. I know shady demonic clown shit is going on with him. How he maybe was the one to cause Mituna his bipolar issues. I get that, I am not viewing him with rose-colored glasses. But, he is aesthetically interesting, silently snarky with the middle finger flip, is kind to Meulin. His magic powers of clown cults and team-up with Gamzee is what put him low in the list. His other positive qualities is what is keeping him from the bottom of that list.
And Finally, last in the Rank is Cronus. I wish he just ate babies like the greek god. Why? Why the fuck are both the Aquarius Trolls fucking tools? I daresay that Cronus is even worst that Eridan. At least with Eridan he isn’t trying to hide who he was. He was royal-blood. He dressed and acted like a prince. An Ass Prince, but a prince.
Cronus, he is saying that he doesn’t care about being royal or wealthy etc etc, but he has rings and blings to subtly show that he still is? That he tries to be poetic and tragic and that he is a tortured musican, but then turns around and belittles everyone he meets for screwing up his “supposed” chance with someone else. Yeah, don’t think I forgot that conversation with Mituna. Hell, that is more/less why he is at the bottom. For being such a “Nice Guy™“ in the trashiest way possible.
….and I don’t even know how to address/approach his supposed species dysphoria by saying he is humankin. I know he isn’t, I know that he did this to try and get, idk sympathy points to people’s pants. But now Kankri somehow convinced him to continue to believe it so here we are I guess.
God the fish-people bloodlines are a problematic bunch.