Troll Rank Alpha 2

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I just got their ages. If the Alpha Trolls were in the game for 3 sweeps, that’s 6 years, so these guys are 19 right now.

1. Porrim

2. Meenah

3. Aranea

4. Kankri

5. Meulin

6. Latula

7. Mituna

8. Kurloz

9. Cronus

Yeah…..you may have notice, but the new trolls stayed at the bottom this time around. They just didn’t jump out at me unlike the others like Kankri and Porrim.

Meulin was cute. A little TOO excited though. Like, if Nepeta is a fangirl, Meulin is a weeb. She can get too intense, but I love how she loves to still ship people. And that she can sign like no tomorrow. I was debating on having her higher than Kankri, but I’m not going to lie, I like that santamonious little bastard a little more. He is an ass, but he doesn’t know he is an ass, which makes him fun to be with. So Meulin is right under.

Latula is pushed down, and Mituna is pushed below that. I mean, they seem like nice people. But, I’m just not that interested. Latula is a bit hard on the radness. And Mituna…..terrifies me. Not that I am genuinely scared of him, but that I don’t know how to deal with him. He has Sollux’s bipolar on ghost steroids and I wouldn’t know how to approach him if I met him in real life.

I don’t know if him skating was his idea, or if Latula pushed him into it…..but if they are still dating, they are still dating. They make it work.

Next is Kurloz. Listen, I am not blind. I know shady demonic clown shit is going on with him. How he maybe was the one to cause Mituna his bipolar issues. I get that, I am not viewing him with rose-colored glasses. But, he is aesthetically interesting, silently snarky with the middle finger flip, is kind to Meulin. His magic powers of clown cults and team-up with Gamzee is what put him low in the list. His other positive qualities is what is keeping him from the bottom of that list.

And Finally, last in the Rank is Cronus. I wish he just ate babies like the greek god. Why? Why the fuck are both the Aquarius Trolls fucking tools? I daresay that Cronus is even worst that Eridan. At least with Eridan he isn’t trying to hide who he was. He was royal-blood. He dressed and acted like a prince. An Ass Prince, but a prince.

Cronus, he is saying that he doesn’t care about being royal or wealthy etc etc, but he has rings and blings to subtly show that he still is? That he tries to be poetic and tragic and that he is a tortured musican, but then turns around and belittles everyone he meets for screwing up his “supposed” chance with someone else. Yeah, don’t think I forgot that conversation with Mituna. Hell, that is more/less why he is at the bottom. For being such a “Nice Guy™“ in the trashiest way possible.

….and I don’t even know how to address/approach his supposed species dysphoria by saying he is humankin. I know he isn’t, I know that he did this to try and get, idk sympathy points to people’s pants. But now Kankri somehow convinced him to continue to believe it so here we are I guess.

God the fish-people bloodlines are a problematic bunch.

Part 251 End

Well, that was fun!

I got to meet some more trolls. Each, with their own problems.

Cronus…..god why must the Aquarius sign be such douche tools? I am not giving up on my headcanon that Cronus has a german accent and Eridan as a british one. That shit be hilarious.

Mituna….that is a whole nother kettle of worms I don’t want to open.

Meulin is a fangirl….a die hard fan girl….

and Kurloz……issues.

Lots and lots of issues.

Karkat was right, these guys seem like extreme parodies of the Beta-Trolls.

Speaking of Karkat, I love how Meenah has a crush on him. How by respecting the queen (I don’t know why but whtever) he was respecting what she could have become, which is basically respecting her dream/ideals. I love how his dream is to be a warrior, and proving himself.

I love how he basically hit the nail on the head when explaining why Kankri is an asshole.

And while Kankri talks, Karkat listens. He saw that Terezi was upset by Latula, and rather trying to dismiss her concerns he addresses them by saying how trash Latula was, and that Terezi was better. You know, cheering her up in a way only Karkat can.

How he also didn’t want to interfere with her and Dave and chose to give her space.

He is a cool cat all around.

Meaning that there is now RedRom trouble between Terezi and Meenah for Karkat, and I am honestly all for it. I don’t have a preference on what happens, I am just here for the drama.

Back to the Alpha-Trolls, Mituna was acting like Aradia, trying to get them on the right path by avoiding doomed endings. Then I guess Kurloz tried to fucking summon the hell clown, maybe. And so Mituna used all of his powers to stop that, thus nuking his own brain.

I appreciate the sacrifice my dude. But with Gamzee somehow in the mix and actively NEEDS the codpiece(????), I don’t think he stopped it completely.

And Kurloz having like, I don’t know, satan cult control over Meulin….it’s like pre-reset she fell in love with satan, then post-reset she fell in love with Jesus. Weird, but true.

I appreciate the sign language, did not appreciate the whole trying to summon the evil clown of 2 deaths crap.

And I guess the Jujus are just, Millennium Items where collect them all you summon the ultimate Cal? Is that it? I don’t even anymore.

Then Jack is still running. He isn’t even chasing the meteor anymore, he is just running away from PM.

John has more badass magic powers, and I am sure he will just keep getting stronger by the second.

I hope he keeps that hammer this time around.