Yeah, me and Dirk are on the same page. It was an assassination attempt, pure and simple.

So their house was on a volcano. Oh, the ruins that we saw him on before. That was his home.

So basically….assassins killed Alpha-Jade for knowing too much, and tried to kill Jake off as well. A wonderful thing to deal with for a 6 year old.

See, I would love to walk the trails with you, but the mood is ruined with a bleeding body blocking the way.

Because that is exactly what all childhood should be: Finding dead love ones.

Jade and Jake were penpals for years? Or is time slightly wonky due to *hand waving*?

Sea-Hitler, the Evil Spinster. Yeah, Jade raised Jake up pretty well.

Fuck yeah, we starting with Jade!!!

helloooooooo ugly ink blot. Here to ruin my mood once again with your consistent existence. At least let Jake have his spider-girl dreams of the far flung future.

Part 230

Well my wifi went out of whack, so I only now managed to get on and actually start blogging. Hurray for technology.

Time to learn about Dirk and Roxy’s “ancestors,” the Alpha-Dave and Rose.

BEHOLD! QUEEN FERRARI THE SEA-HITLTER

Part 229 End

Righto, a long as convo that I am going to stop here.

So, Dirk and Roxy actually were from the future….see I thought that the chart Rose did was a mistake, where they were sent TO the future. But no, they were always from the future, living in basically Sea-Hitler’s Trash Rule of bullshit.

She can’t even fucking rule correctly, at least enslave humanity the right way!

This also explains Dirk’s need to try and improve the ironic standings of Dave. It’s like Vriska with Mindfang, it gave him a sense of connection to his “parent.” Though, I am pretty sure that Cal had something to do with Dirk surviving. Like, moving and feeding baby Dirk or something. There is no way Baby Dirk can just, stab something with a sword by age 2.

But Sea-Hitler’s reign of terror on humanity, damn it was awful. Absolutely horrible. She couldn’t even do fucking racism right! But the best part, is the glub-glub monster (I will always forget that kacken’s name) will just keep killing more trolls. Because she is no longer in control, Feferi was. And Feferi was gone, and Sea-Hitler can’t take back control. So suffer knowing you can’t revive your own race!

The more important reason is that you literally can’t, since you will be in a game. But another side reason is, everyone who did is dead.

Well that;s a cheerful thought, isn’t it? Enjoy your life knowing that Jake.

Don’t worry, you’ll be in the game by the time that happens (hopefully)

And that day is the day that Everyone is doomed in the game. So 3 more years.

Yeah, it will take a while. Since out of the 4 of you, Jane is the one most in contact with actual human society.

Roxy is a good girl. Feed those Herbivores.

That answers my pumpkin thoughts. Jake’s pumpkins are saving lives here.

I mean, what else is a lone man on the last remaining apartment in the world going to do? Not like you can ask Sea-Hitler for companionship.