This was literally my face as I was reading the entire thing. God that twist was so so good.

Troll Rank 2.0: Nuked

So I got the Hussie Hustled, Hussie Hoodwinked in terms of this Ranking.

There were Fucking Trespassers in my Goddamn Rank

I was Fooled. Bamboozled. I won’t allow this at all.

There is a reason I called this Troll Rank for crying out loud!

And with those two Cherubs gone, leaving only two actual trolls left, what’s the fucking point!?

So as of this moment, Troll Rank 2.0 has been nuked. Finite. Done! I won’t even touch it until I get some actual trolls!

Part 245 Summary

You guys must have been fucking chuckling it up throughout all of this. For the last —what, 15 sessions?— I was under the guise that Alpha-A Karkat was the guy that had the multi-personalities. Where UU and uu were Trolls of Jegus. But NOOOOOOOOO turns out that Child English was the guy that had the personalities issues. 

God I hate that Turtle-Man so much.

*Le Sign* Where the fuck do I even start

[updated]

Alpha-Rose. Let’s start with her.

She knew. Like, I guess the Dark Gods still really liked Rose to tell her shit. So Rose knew somewhat about English. And passive-aggressively wrote a popular fiction story where English (someone Batterwitch hated with a passion) was the fucking hero. Even wrote it with a human version of Cali’s Trollsona.

I was so focused on the fucking legs that I was completely blindsided by GUN. (Scratch’s dumb time gun)

But, Cali and AnJ (should I still call him that? he is basically kid-english) said they have different colored blood. I don’t even want to know how that works out.

So….English is a Cherub. And his hatred and aggression is from a horrendous mating dance that their species. Basically, new headcanon is that English was just extremely Horny and that’s why he is an asshole.

And the world keeps on burning doesn’t it?

God Fucking Damnit Gamzee.

It was Cal.

It was always fucking Cal isn’t it?

Even AnJ Child-English was like “fuck that puppet, that be some bad juju right there.

It doesn’t help that Cal fucking looks like a wooded Cherub Child too.

So Cal is Satan. Whispered sweet-nothings into Gamzee’s ears to make his already psychotic ass into working for Cal. Took Equius’s Blood (seriously, they deserved better than to be used as ink) to Black out any mentions of who Big Bad English is (so that Cali wouldn’t get wind of it) and void mentions of Gamzee so that it wouldn’t be traced back to Cal.

Listen. All I am saying is that I won’t be surprised if Cal’s full name is Calcifer (Cal Lucifer) and that he was playing everyone by their strings.

I have no idea how Rose’s book got yeeted to child-English. No idea why Cal even fucking cares about protecting English. This does explain English’s time-powers. And the peg leg.

Sprite-flipped or not, if she does “die”, then there is no way for AnJ to unlock the chain that only Cali can unlock. Meaning he tore off his own leg as a kid to be freed.

That is horrendous to do, I acknowledge that, but I still hate AnJ. (SIDENOTE: I was going to update the troll rank to put AnJ further down the list, but I pushed it off until after this session AND I GUESS IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE)

No idea what their Juju’s are, I am thinking it might be the green and red suns but probably not.

Arm-Dildo is back at it again. Just waving around. It doesn’t even know what it’s doing, does it? Just someone sticking their hand through a time-hole because “why the fuck not”

Also

English killed Hussie for dressing in his sister’s dumb cosplay, prove me wrong.

And finally, fuck red herrings.

I am tired of Scratch’s scams, of English’s red herrings, of AnJ’s red herrings.

It’s Earth. I’m rage calling it here. Cali’s red planet is a dying Earth. Alternia was just an Earth populated by Trolls, then fucking Scratch reset it to rename it Alternia.

So, I guess, the point of SBURB is to just make a shit ton of multiple Earths, so there is at least 1 living. And in each different universe there is a different species populating Earth.

Either that or someone really like time-looting Liberty Statues.

And so there we go. My long as summary of what the fuck I just read last time. I’m mad at Hussie, but he fucking got me. I can’t deny it, he fucking got me on this. I am angrily applauding him for this. The sneaky bastard.

Edit: AND ANOTHER FUCKING THING

MIGHT AS WELL SUM IT UP RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW

TIME FOR THE PREDICTION TRAIN TO COME CHUGGING ALONG THE BETRAYAL TRACKS

Cali is still somewhere inside whatever hole that remains to be English’s heart is. Whatever small atom of love that English is able to muster up from time-traveling chaos that he created.

Meaning that the kids needs to Rumpelstiltskin this mother fucker and figure out his name. So Roxy is going to summon Cali back with her name in front of English’s face, and manage to get a foothold into his evil with the power of love. Then call on his name to summon him into the void, or just a shit ton of bombs for him to step on.

Or stick together the Yin Yang jujus to summon the ultimate Juju and just wreck the shit of the entire universe.

Part 245 End

I am fucking tired. I am fucking done. I don’t even know if I have it in me to even write a conclusion sum up at the moment. With like Back To Back REVEALS over what the fuck just happened.

Will probably swing it in the morning.

For now, goodnight.

Lady, I can give you a song and dance number on why you are right.

yeah….part of me zipping by so fast is so I don’t have to think of the heat-death of the universe any longer than I have to.

So, you were always on Ea….

…where are you and why are you surrounded by an Army of Liberties?

Rude, but adorable. You get a pass.

Please tell me that you wrote fanfiction about her.

…I can’t even take this seriously if this really is a “big reveal” because I am just waiting for Hussie to come how pop around the corner

ok, I saw Dave Gears, Hussie Glitches, and now AnJ’s red line curve. I trust none of it.

Can you even go farther? Do you even know what you are standing on?

I can see that.

ok, born from a dead SBURB session on a meteor that has science shit that crashed into a dead/dying planet. This life sucks.

You know, I don’t even know if this planet was the one to make SBURB in the first place for the Cherims to populate, or if they just really like being everywhere in every universe.

ok, not a cylinder exactly. But a SBURB cylinder on top of a building.

Really? Your life was literally chained to a cylinder. Not much fun.

What is there to look at? The is exactly ONE giant ass thing in the sky, and the place is probably barren anyway.

Your life is just filled with depression isn’t it?

Do you even have night there?