The Wicker Man (1973)

No Bees in this here film.

Yeah this just happened to be on Netflix when I was scouring around for something to do. Lot of classic and crappy horror flix, but I managed to stumble on this one. As old school as it is, I’m pretty glad I did.

Overview: Police Sergeant Neil Howie travels to Summerisle Island in order to find a missing girl. However, not only are the citizens unhelpful in his search, but they also deny her very existence. Now he races against time to solve the mystery before it is too late.

Ok, so disclaimer. I know of the Nick Cage version. I don’t think there isn’t anyone online who doesn’t know the “Not The Bees” moment. So, you know, I already know the end of the movie. Not intentionally mind you, it’s one of those things where internet and references sort of ingrains into you. With that in mind, watching this movie was sort of like enjoying the journey. I knew the destination, I’m just seeing how it will get me there.

And boy was that buck wild.

First, very Scottish. Which no shit this takes place in Scotland. But there’s something about the setting that gives it this juxtaposition almost. The charming village, the kind and joyous people, the rolling landscape, sort of makes you think twice on just how friendly these folks are. It actually makes Sergeant Howie seem a bit more nuts they did something as devious as hide the body of a girl.

There were….oddly a lot of musical numbers. If I didn’t know any better like how this was a horror movie from the 60s, I would have thought this was some dark sexual musical. Why do I say this? Well, part of it is that every time they sing a song, the townsfolk are doing some ritual to help with fertility and sex. But I think the main reason was because in the very first song there was a woman naked singing to the wall like she was trying to seduce it. Now, the movie was “classy” enough to never show full frontal nudity, but that moment sort of took a left turn for me about were the hell this movie was taking.

A core part of this movie is that they worship Celtic Gods and take great care in preserving their traditions. And it was pretty cool to see how blatant they are with sex. Women are naked jumping over fire. The Maypole represents the penis. It felt, spiritual, even as an outsider looking in. Which made Howie’s disgust for them all the more off-putting. I don’t know if the “Christianity vs. Paganism” theme, the “Old God with Backwards Thinking” was a theme of the book, or a reflection of 60s conservative beliefs, but it just felt so wrong hearing him yelling about how people shouldn’t dance naked, or how they are unholy for leaving a churchyard to rot. I’m just sitting here like, “Dude, calm your tits. You walk into their house and start yelling about their life. They didn’t ask for your opinion you know.” It

Overall: This is a pretty damn good horror film to watch. There’s no blood, no real violence of any kind, but it really keeps you on edge. Just the feeling of being trapped where everyone is against you and nowhere is safe, and how that slowly suffocates to the point of desperation. How it’s all perfectly normal, and yet just everything Feels Off. It is probably one of the best thrillers ever.

Also the music fucking slaps. So if you can’t watch it, at least listen to the soundtrack.