Right, so the overview. Karkat has been designated as the next Jegus for the next Universe, so Kanaya is on protection duty. Jasprose has no freaking restraint whatsoever. And now they meet. Oohhh, oh shit I almost forgot about how half of Jasprose dated Kanaya when pre-reset Rose was drunk. Well…this is going to be a thing.
Nick Cage mixed with WW2 and sharks. What can possible go wrong?
Answer: Everything
Nick Cage has just an attraction to me. I have known him for so long since I was little, I can’t tell if he is a good actor or if it was nostalgia. All I know is if there is a Nick Cage film, it is going to have that Nick Cage charm. And BOY HOWDY, this movie has it.
Let’s go with backstory first.
This movie is based on the incredible and horrific events that happened to the U.S.S Indianapolis, a Naval Ship during World War 2. It was sent on a secret and dangerous mission to deliver parts for the construction of the Atomic Bomb. However, on their way back a Japanese Submarine sunk it with a torpedo, leaving the survivors stranded alone in the middle of the ocean for 4 days filled surrounded by sharks who would attack the dead, injured, and living. Out of the almost 12,000 sailors aboard, only 300 would survive, making this the worst naval tragedy in U.S. Navy history.
And they made this movie.
Not going to lie, I was stupidly judgy through this movie. I mean, I tried goddammit, to watch and enjoy it straight. But I couldn’t help it. I care about this history. I’m fasinated by this bit of history, the horror and pain the sailors when through. This is THE Greatest Shark Attack in history. I was judgy because I wanted this movie to respect the event and tragedy that had happened, to do the survivors justice. And they tried.
God did they tried.
The problem is that they didn’t do it well.
Let me start with the good things about this movie.
1) Nick Cage was pretty Good
He plays Captain Charles B. McVay of the Indianapolis. There is still a bit of hokiness that comes from Nick Cage being Nick Cage. One is him talking to himself while writing a letter to his wife in the weirdest way possible. Another is the fact that his sunglasses makes it look like his eyes are closer to his forehead. But he does the role well I think. He makes sure to show that Captain McVay cared for his men, put their safety ahead of his own, did everything he can to help. I thought he did a good job.
2) They were respectful in the representation of the Japanese Submarine Crew.
The movie could have just not even show the submarine until the ship sinks, but no, we actually get to see the crew. We see the Captain Hashimoto dealing with the struggles of fighting their side of the war. How he cares for his crew, and how they will lay down their lives for the fight. The ship was sunk by Kaiten Torpedoes, basically an underwater version of Kamakazi pilots. They were manned torpedoes, so you see the men loading themselves in to be launched. So while the main focus is on the Indianapolis, it is nice they tried to be empathetic to the Japanese crew as well.
3) The side-characters were interesting enough.
With a historical story like this, the best way is show the movie is to let the audience see all the possible people that were serving on the ship. You see two best friends fall in love with the same girl. Two guys who were enemies and in jail together. A guy with a gambling addiction. The lovable engineers that you see up above. The brand new green commander who is a bit of a dick. My favorite one is the writer sailor. He writes what he sees and tries to bolster people up with his stories. Like, there is a lot of characters so even if you don’t like one plot-line, there are others you can enjoy. They may act goofy/overly dramatic at times, but the actors did a good job for you to root for them.
With that out of the way, things I didn’t like.
A) The cgi was too basic and shit in places
I wish, I WISH I can find a better picture to show what I mean. When we were watching, even my sister were going back and forth on whether it was good or not. Everything that was cgi was just weirdly too smooth. Like really look at it. It looks more like graphics for a video game. Which, is passable. But you can’t have passable for a movie. This movie came out in 2016! We have the technology for a hell of a lot better images than template models. At that was the better cgi. Because when the cgi is bad, it is glaringly obvious bad.
B) The Editing Kills Me.
They have a weird sense of pacing in this movie. When you hit the middle part of the movie, it’s fine. Decent moments of the sailors goofing around, hving drmatic romance, fights, struggles. But there are some parts of the movie where someone in the editing room was like “Oh shit, the people watching this won’t understand. Quickly! Put out that exposition as fast as you can!!”
An Example: the first 3 minutes of the movie. Minute 1: BATTLE! Ok, good, see our historical men in action. Minute 2: We are in a war council room where the Indianapolis has been chosen for a secret mission. “You mean the atomic BOMB?!” -> Basically the line used. And this was BEFORE meeting ANY of our main cast. So it felt like the movie was putting more emphasis on the ship rather than the sailors.
It also didn’t help the movie Felt like it ended when the survivors were rescued, but didn’t Actually end for another 20-30 minutes longer. I appreciate them going in for historical accuracy of showing the actual aftermath to Captain McVay, but by that point I was so done and bored that I didn’t really care.
Plus they keep using the same periscope tracking shot 7 times! Seven! In the same scene. TWICE!! When the Japanese were firing in daytime, we see the same daylight periscope 7 times before launch. Then when they fired a torpedo at night, LET’S DO THE SAME THING since it went so well the first time.
B) The ship sinks titanic style, the fuck is that??
Not going to lie, while I am facinated by the Indianapolis, I do not know everything about what exactly happened. One of them was how the ship sank. But I am pretty sure the ship did not sink in the Exact Same Way as the Titanic. Where one side is lifted up, then got cracked in the middle, and so it was split into two parts. It was, it was bad. Because this tied in to the whole repeating shots thing, because I saw the same man holding onto a pole trying not to drop 5 different times. The Same Exact Scene. No difference. And I’m sure he fell in the exact same way as in the Titanic Movie shots.
(Note:The jail cell sailors during this part were very good, but I still have No Idea how the hell they got out. Let me know if you figured it out)
C) The Sharks were S H I T!
This is basically where the whole meat of the story should have taken place, nd it was AWFUL! Trash! They were stupidly inaccurate, trying to go for Jaws Chomp factor instead of being anywhere near historical. The sharks were all Great Whites, which wasn’t a thing. Because the sharks that historically attacked were Oceanic Whitetips.
But ok, you could get pass. The sharks look similar enough at first glance so it would be an honest mistake. Except that sailors were specifically talking bout “Great White Sharks” with colored pictures of great whites, (which think about that for a minute) so that was bullshit. in making the audience think Great White.
But ok, so what, who cares, the sharks still does it’s things right? Why should we care if they got the type wrong or not?
^Because of Shit like This!! This movie decided to try and shittily mimic Jaws and the Jaws ripoffs by having crappy cgi sharks launch itself out of no where to stupidly chops on the nearest sailors. God you could make a drinking game out of it. Take a shot for every shark you see. Which won’t kill you, because there were NOT ENOUGH SHARKS!!
^The sharks should have been like this. The sailors literally should have been like waist deep in sharks. There were a lot of fucking sharks. And yet! There weren’t any. The sharks only decided to freaking rocket launch themselves out of the water when it’s time for a jump scare, on any old person they can fine. And maybe the reason they decide to throw themselves to the nearest pound of flesh instead of going for the closest dead body is because
D ) THERE WERE BARELY ANY SURVIVORS!!!
Seriously! When the ship sank there were 800 sailors left in the water, We only see 60. TOTAL! Not even random background sailors. It was just Nick Cage’s group, then a separate group of 30 people, and random boats here and there. God how could they have fucked this up! I don’t know if it was just, not in the budged to hire more people or what, but you can still get somebody. Show the survivors dammit!
It pisses me off because this could have easily solved their shark problem. Because if there were more people, you can see the sharks eat/take the dead bodies. Then when there is a ton more sharks, see them go after the injured and dying. Like, having screams constantly while sharks pick people off left and right, even if it is just background characters, would build so much more tension than just “guys have a good laugh, talk, and support each other, send the shark for the jumpscare.”
I will give the movie this though: While I feel like the majority of the ending was unneeded, I do respect that they have little end-cards for what happened to the character’s historical counterparts, as well as come footage of some of the survivors describing the experience.
Overall: Don’t watch it. If you wanted to watch it for the actual historical event, watch something else. They made note of smaller historical facts while completely screwing up the actual main event with the sharks. You can find better documentaries Here, Here, Here, Here, and Here. The last one has a clip of the special that I I saw originally and while you do have to pay to see it (Here), it is very well done.
And If you want to watch a “so bad it’s good movie” then maybe it fits the bill, but I just honestly don’t think it’s worth it. The editing and pacing will give you whiplash. The CGI takes you out of the zone. Nick Cage tried his best, but not even his enjoyable presence could save the film. They make for a great movie to rag on, but having it be on an actual historic event like this just leaves a bad taste in my mouth
So…what did we learn kids?
Karkat still has some validation issues to work on. His denizen was supposed to teach pacifism/showing mercy, but the trolls don’t do shit like that ever when they were growing up. So Karkat still has no idea what the denizen was supposed to be meant for.
But even with that, Karkat still wants to fight for his friends and for the future. Which is why Echidna chose him to…holy shit did she choose him to be the 2nd coming of Troll Jegus?! To care for the next generation of trolls? Wow, good for you, and now I’m afraid if Karkat needs to bleed for that to happen.
Kanaya is on protection duty to guard the Knight.
And…Jasprose is..a thing. It..took some getting use to. But I kind of…like them. They are fun, a real chatterbox but with such a positive outlook. And has super sprite vision due to double sprites. Rose being embarrassed is hilarious, and Japrose giving Callie love is all that I need from this world. Here we love and support Callie!!
Then it wasn’t funny as much as it was obvious. But the cat side of you won’t let that keep you down.
GOD DAMMIT
I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO SIGN OFF WHEN I THOUGHT “One more page couldn’t hurt”
AND IT DID
BECAUSE THE CAT IS GOING TO STEAL THE KAT LIKE HOW ALL CATS DO
Visualizing Rose trying to say that normally is hard to conceive, but enjoyable nonetheless.
Oh look, she has window powers too. Now she can disappear and reappear just like what a normal cat would do.
Curiosity Killed the Cat, but random ass plot devices and Hussie brought it back, to be lured away by Rose so she doesn’t have to deal with them.
Wow, you even shocked Terezi. I’m impressed.
I like to imagine Jane looking around briefly to find anyone else being addressed as Hotmom
I’m sorry but did fusing them together opened their third cat eye to see all of their alternate lives?
Oh no, please. Go on about your memories with death and death adjacent things.
Does this mean Jasprose will get
a double funeral?
Is John shocked that Rose is talkative, that his grandma/mom murdered a cat, or that Rose made a sexual innuendo? We will never know.
I don’t know, some people have problems understanding events even as they unfold (stares straight into the camera)
It was
a
grim day for us all
And here I thought that Jane was the cougar
And by “me” she means “me…the one in the cat onesie”
I like how Rose needs a pillow there because she wants to claw out her own face.
Moral of the story: Get a Cat. They will literally love and treasure you always